I went on a little junk food bender this weekend. I couldn't help it. I went to the gym and worked out, and burned more calories and went faster than I have in a very long time. It felt good, but I have been feeling awful. Tired and unmotivated. So I turned to the junk. I made some Tollhouse cookies, ate fried chicken, and french fries. AND I broke my no soda rule! I am wicked ashamed. I just want to hibernate. I'm still trying so hard to work out and portion my meals, buuut I am still not seeing any results. I am quitting cookies after this last batch is finished off. I hate my never-ending sweet tooth, because fruit definitely doesn't do it for me.
Enough complaints, tomorrow is a new day and since Mike and I agreed that I can have the unlimited childcare pass for three months I will be able to take Eisley to the gym with me in the morning when I have actual energy. Beth and I are gym partners again, so I've started doing a little bit of weights again too. Friday is grocery night again, so more fish and veggies and fruits for me. Woo!
-Nicole
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Back on track
Just a quick little update:
I finally got back to the gym tonight, even though it was only for about half an hour. It feels great to work out again, but it's been so hard to muster the energy when I'm not sleeping well. I'm feeling a bit down due to the fact that I gained back a couple of pounds since last week. I'm trying so hard to NOT weigh myself frequently, but I think once a week is a fair way to track any progress. So I'm almost back at square one.
It seriously makes me want to just go and eat like a dozen cookies.
I'm going to just try harder instead, and if in a few more weeks I haven't made any substantial loss I'm going to seek medical advice.
-Nicole
I finally got back to the gym tonight, even though it was only for about half an hour. It feels great to work out again, but it's been so hard to muster the energy when I'm not sleeping well. I'm feeling a bit down due to the fact that I gained back a couple of pounds since last week. I'm trying so hard to NOT weigh myself frequently, but I think once a week is a fair way to track any progress. So I'm almost back at square one.
It seriously makes me want to just go and eat like a dozen cookies.
I'm going to just try harder instead, and if in a few more weeks I haven't made any substantial loss I'm going to seek medical advice.
-Nicole
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Maternity Jeans and Utter Denial
One of my dirtiest secrets has been the fact that I still wear maternity jeans. Only close friends and some family are aware. Actually, almost all of my pants are maternity because I have that disgusting floppy paunch in front thanks to my c-section scar. I've been told that it NEVER goes away, no matter how skinny you are. I think I could deal with wearing size 16 jeans if it weren't for the saggy chunk of my belly that would be forced under the waistline giving me that completely undesirable look known as the FUPA. A FUPA, for those of you who may be uninformed is an acronym for Fat Upper Pussy Area (Replace pussy with penis if you're referring to a dude). Obviously you have seen, or know people who suffer from this. I have REFUSED to be one. A few months ago, after it seemed as though I was back on track and losing weight Mike dragged me to try on normal pants. The ones that did zip up over my gut looked horrendous, so much so that I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I went right back to my maternity jeans, and have refused to consider regular pants until my stomach goes down significantly, ie: where I don't have to tuck sagging skin below the waist.
Everyone who knows about this tells me I should just suck it up and go to Lane Bryant and buy some properly fitting clothes. My argument is that I don't plan on staying this way, so why should I throw a ton of money down the crapper for comfort, when in my opinion it will only encourage me to slack off and remain obese? I think my point is logical, but nobody else really agrees.
I know I am in denial, there's no arguing that I refuse to admit I'm bigger than how I feel, but I feel like my normal self trapped in a significantly larger body.
I know I'm not the only woman who has dealt with excessive baby weight, but I seriously cannot take hearing any more bragging from all the girls who have given birth after me bragging about how they fit back into their size 2 jeans again after like....3 weeks. It makes me so jealous, I can't even stand to leave the house most days meanwhile they get to wear normal clothing. Even my mom bragged to me about how she left the hospital in her pre-pregnancy jeans after having me. Thanks MOM!
Sorry for the rant, but sometimes I just need to get stuff like this off of my chest. Hopefully in a few months time, this won't be an issue.
-Nicole
Everyone who knows about this tells me I should just suck it up and go to Lane Bryant and buy some properly fitting clothes. My argument is that I don't plan on staying this way, so why should I throw a ton of money down the crapper for comfort, when in my opinion it will only encourage me to slack off and remain obese? I think my point is logical, but nobody else really agrees.
I know I am in denial, there's no arguing that I refuse to admit I'm bigger than how I feel, but I feel like my normal self trapped in a significantly larger body.
I know I'm not the only woman who has dealt with excessive baby weight, but I seriously cannot take hearing any more bragging from all the girls who have given birth after me bragging about how they fit back into their size 2 jeans again after like....3 weeks. It makes me so jealous, I can't even stand to leave the house most days meanwhile they get to wear normal clothing. Even my mom bragged to me about how she left the hospital in her pre-pregnancy jeans after having me. Thanks MOM!
Sorry for the rant, but sometimes I just need to get stuff like this off of my chest. Hopefully in a few months time, this won't be an issue.
-Nicole
Snow Day
I had a bad week this past week. I was naughty.
After an awesome start on Saturday and Sunday at the gym, the irate little person who shares the bed with Mike (boyfriend) and I decided that sleep was not an option...and instead of getting some rest, I got punched in the face repeatedly by tiny fists and slapped on the forehead by tiny hands. Needless to say, I skipped the gym on Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday was Mommy and Me, and I got to chase Eisley around for an hour. Thursday and Friday brought more sleepless nights and laziness, so I skipped the gym again. What's worse, Mike brought home doughnuts for me. If you know me, you know I have a serious sweet tooth (I keep a stash of chocolate for when cravings strike), and I have a hard time resisting the urge to make cookies. So this past week I ate cookies and doughnuts instead of fruit and yogurt.
Yesterday morning I woke up ready and raring to go to the gym, but as anyone in the Northeast is aware, Mother Nature decided to dump about 4 inches of snow on us. After the snow stopped, I asked Mike if I could do the shoveling instead of him. He looked at me as though I had five heads, and we had a somewhat heated debate about why I wanted to shovel. I simply love to shovel snow, and I could reeeeeally use the exercise. I spent about two hours shoveling and scraping up the snow from the driveway. I loved it. Our neighbor offered to use his snow blower to help me, and when I turned him down because I was doing it for exercise he raised his eyebrow and shrugged before turning back around. After finishing I rewarded myself with a hot bath and a cup of green tea. Surprisingly I had no appetite even though it was dinner time.
This morning I woke up for the third and final time, and I actually feel awesome. I was assuming I would feel far worse due to how much shoveling I did, but I'm glad I don't. I hope it snows more this winter so I can shovel some more!
Also, since I am a total foodie, I am always coming up with recipes to try out, so here's one I made for lunch yesterday:
Ingredients:
16 oz large uncooked easy peel shrimp
1 cup water
5 tablespoons of low sodium soy sauce
1 tablespoon of honey (or your choice of sweetener)
1 teaspoon of garlic powder/ fresh crushed garlic
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 teaspoon of chili powder
1 teaspoon oil (vegetable/canola/coconut/etc)
16 oz broccoli (I LOVE the easy steamer bags)
Rice (Optional)
I love rice, so I made some to go with this meal.
1. Clean and peel the shrimp, set them aside. (If you are making fresh broccoli, clean it and chop it up and set it aside.)
2. Preheat a wok to medium high, and add the oil of your choice, when the wok is ready to go add the shrimp, and chili powder. (If you are using fresh broccoli, set a pot of water to boil)
3. In a bowl add the soy sauce, water, garlic, black pepper, and honey. Mix it well and set aside.
4. When the shrimp have taken a slightly pinkish color, add the soy sauce mixture to the wok and turn up the heat. Let the shrimp cook in the juices for 3-5 minutes, and then drain. Set the wok back on the burner on a medium low heat, and continue to cook the shrimp for 5-7 minutes or until it is a bright pink/orange color. (If you're using the fresh broccoli, it should be cooking by this point)
5. Once everything is cooked to your liking, serve how you wish! ((One serving of shrimp is around 7 shrimp)) This should serve 4-6 people depending on various appetites!
Hope you enjoy the recipe!
-Nicole
After an awesome start on Saturday and Sunday at the gym, the irate little person who shares the bed with Mike (boyfriend) and I decided that sleep was not an option...and instead of getting some rest, I got punched in the face repeatedly by tiny fists and slapped on the forehead by tiny hands. Needless to say, I skipped the gym on Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday was Mommy and Me, and I got to chase Eisley around for an hour. Thursday and Friday brought more sleepless nights and laziness, so I skipped the gym again. What's worse, Mike brought home doughnuts for me. If you know me, you know I have a serious sweet tooth (I keep a stash of chocolate for when cravings strike), and I have a hard time resisting the urge to make cookies. So this past week I ate cookies and doughnuts instead of fruit and yogurt.
Yesterday morning I woke up ready and raring to go to the gym, but as anyone in the Northeast is aware, Mother Nature decided to dump about 4 inches of snow on us. After the snow stopped, I asked Mike if I could do the shoveling instead of him. He looked at me as though I had five heads, and we had a somewhat heated debate about why I wanted to shovel. I simply love to shovel snow, and I could reeeeeally use the exercise. I spent about two hours shoveling and scraping up the snow from the driveway. I loved it. Our neighbor offered to use his snow blower to help me, and when I turned him down because I was doing it for exercise he raised his eyebrow and shrugged before turning back around. After finishing I rewarded myself with a hot bath and a cup of green tea. Surprisingly I had no appetite even though it was dinner time.
This morning I woke up for the third and final time, and I actually feel awesome. I was assuming I would feel far worse due to how much shoveling I did, but I'm glad I don't. I hope it snows more this winter so I can shovel some more!
Also, since I am a total foodie, I am always coming up with recipes to try out, so here's one I made for lunch yesterday:
Ingredients:
16 oz large uncooked easy peel shrimp
1 cup water
5 tablespoons of low sodium soy sauce
1 tablespoon of honey (or your choice of sweetener)
1 teaspoon of garlic powder/ fresh crushed garlic
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 teaspoon of chili powder
1 teaspoon oil (vegetable/canola/coconut/etc)
16 oz broccoli (I LOVE the easy steamer bags)
Rice (Optional)
I love rice, so I made some to go with this meal.
1. Clean and peel the shrimp, set them aside. (If you are making fresh broccoli, clean it and chop it up and set it aside.)
2. Preheat a wok to medium high, and add the oil of your choice, when the wok is ready to go add the shrimp, and chili powder. (If you are using fresh broccoli, set a pot of water to boil)
3. In a bowl add the soy sauce, water, garlic, black pepper, and honey. Mix it well and set aside.
4. When the shrimp have taken a slightly pinkish color, add the soy sauce mixture to the wok and turn up the heat. Let the shrimp cook in the juices for 3-5 minutes, and then drain. Set the wok back on the burner on a medium low heat, and continue to cook the shrimp for 5-7 minutes or until it is a bright pink/orange color. (If you're using the fresh broccoli, it should be cooking by this point)
5. Once everything is cooked to your liking, serve how you wish! ((One serving of shrimp is around 7 shrimp)) This should serve 4-6 people depending on various appetites!
Hope you enjoy the recipe!
-Nicole
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Portion Control THIS!
One of the most difficult things I have encountered so far in my quest to reclaim a size 4 dress has been learning exactly how much a correct portion really is. As an American, I have been conditioned to believe that a plate full of food is an accurate depiction of how much food I should be eating. Sadly, I know this not to be the case. Previously I never had an issue with eating an entire plate of food, but since I am trying to change my lifestyle in order to get fit, I am paying more attention to how much I consume.
I know eventually my body will become accustomed to eating normal sized portions, but for the time being after a meal my body just keeps telling me I am hungry. It drives me CRAZY! I often have to fight off the urge to take a second helping of whatever meal I've eaten to satisfy my hunger, and instead wait a couple of hours to have a small snack between meals. Some days I just don't care enough to fight it, and I'll have a setback and eat a double portion of breakfast or lunch. It's a great motivator to get my ass to the gym.
Some people might think I'm insane for actually reading the nutrition fact labels on foods before eating them, but it's certainly helped me gain perspective on how much I have been overeating for years. For example, when I would order a pizza (usually a large), I would eat pretty much the whole thing in one sitting, plus a liter of cola (I don't want a large Farva, I want a god damned liter a cola!!!), but somehow I still managed to hover around the same weight for years. I now realize that normal people eat a slice, maybe two because that is a normal portion. Maybe pizza is a bad example, since I'm currently avoiding it unless it's a tortilla pizza I've made, but it gives a pretty good example of the challenge I'm facing.
Making meals for myself and Eisley (my daughter) presents some challenges as well, since sometimes E decides she isn't interested in eating her portion, but wants to share it with mama. I used to happily oblige, sometimes secretly hoping she would offer me a piece of those raviolis I love so much. Now when she refuses to eat, and offers it to me I politely decline and let her drop it on the floor instead.
For the record, I'm not starving myself by any means, since usually about half an hour after I've eaten my body finally gets the message that I am in fact NOT hungry anymore. Talk about delayed signals. If I do still feel hungry after half an hour, I'll eat a snack (I love those times)!
Anyway, I've gone and written another novel! One last thing, since two weeks ago when I started working out again I've lost about 4 lbs, which is a slow start but I'm excited!
-Nicole
I know eventually my body will become accustomed to eating normal sized portions, but for the time being after a meal my body just keeps telling me I am hungry. It drives me CRAZY! I often have to fight off the urge to take a second helping of whatever meal I've eaten to satisfy my hunger, and instead wait a couple of hours to have a small snack between meals. Some days I just don't care enough to fight it, and I'll have a setback and eat a double portion of breakfast or lunch. It's a great motivator to get my ass to the gym.
Some people might think I'm insane for actually reading the nutrition fact labels on foods before eating them, but it's certainly helped me gain perspective on how much I have been overeating for years. For example, when I would order a pizza (usually a large), I would eat pretty much the whole thing in one sitting, plus a liter of cola (I don't want a large Farva, I want a god damned liter a cola!!!), but somehow I still managed to hover around the same weight for years. I now realize that normal people eat a slice, maybe two because that is a normal portion. Maybe pizza is a bad example, since I'm currently avoiding it unless it's a tortilla pizza I've made, but it gives a pretty good example of the challenge I'm facing.
Making meals for myself and Eisley (my daughter) presents some challenges as well, since sometimes E decides she isn't interested in eating her portion, but wants to share it with mama. I used to happily oblige, sometimes secretly hoping she would offer me a piece of those raviolis I love so much. Now when she refuses to eat, and offers it to me I politely decline and let her drop it on the floor instead.
For the record, I'm not starving myself by any means, since usually about half an hour after I've eaten my body finally gets the message that I am in fact NOT hungry anymore. Talk about delayed signals. If I do still feel hungry after half an hour, I'll eat a snack (I love those times)!
Anyway, I've gone and written another novel! One last thing, since two weeks ago when I started working out again I've lost about 4 lbs, which is a slow start but I'm excited!
-Nicole
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
A little introduction
It's been fourteen months since I had my daughter. It's been fourteen months of me standing in front of the full-length mirror scrutinizing my naked body looking for even the smallest possible signs of any weight loss. It has been fourteen months of attempting to eat healthy, cut my portions, and balance it with raising a child. And it has been fourteen months of disappointment, disgust, and shame. Enough is enough, so this is my attempt at holding myself 100% accountable for everything I put into my body.
Before I got pregnant I had my idea of a nearly perfect body. Big boobs, a curvy figure, and shapely legs. I worked out regularly, and even quit my job as a hairstylist to work at a gym in hopes of continuing to improve upon my fitness regime.
Well, I was sadly mistaken. The MINUTE I told my manager that I was pregnant, he saw it as a moment of weakness and forced me from my job into one of a sedentary nature for only a few short hours a day. I became depressed, and because I was pregnant I used it as an excuse to eat more than normal. I weighed myself daily to track my weight gain throughout my pregnancy, until I hit 175lbs near my 8th month. After that, I stopped because I didn't dare watch the scale continue to go up. By the time I had my last prenatal appointment, I tipped the scales at 200lbs. I shrugged it off, since I was retaining quite a bit of fluid and had an enormous bump I figured I would lose at least 15lbs after delivery. I planned to breastfeed, and that was a SURE thing to aid in losing weight.
After having my daughter, and having everything go completely wrong with my labor and delivery I had a longer than expected recovery from a Cesarian section. I was extremely bloated, and had a difficult time getting around for weeks. At my 6 week post-partum appointment, I weighed in at 179lbs. A good start!
Unfortunately, that was about as far as I have made it, and in fact I have gained 8 more pounds since then. I have been struggling for the last year with severe body issues, aches and pains in my joints, and an overall hatred for my post-baby body.
I am finally on the right track now. I am using a combination of portion control, exercise, and eating healthy to get back to a healthy weight and a normal shape. I hope by the time summer rolls around, I will have reached my first weight loss goal of 25 lbs or more. By this time next year, I am hoping to be back down to a healthy weight for my height, which is between 105- and 115 lbs.
Sorry for the novel, but that's everything about me for now!
Before I got pregnant I had my idea of a nearly perfect body. Big boobs, a curvy figure, and shapely legs. I worked out regularly, and even quit my job as a hairstylist to work at a gym in hopes of continuing to improve upon my fitness regime.
Well, I was sadly mistaken. The MINUTE I told my manager that I was pregnant, he saw it as a moment of weakness and forced me from my job into one of a sedentary nature for only a few short hours a day. I became depressed, and because I was pregnant I used it as an excuse to eat more than normal. I weighed myself daily to track my weight gain throughout my pregnancy, until I hit 175lbs near my 8th month. After that, I stopped because I didn't dare watch the scale continue to go up. By the time I had my last prenatal appointment, I tipped the scales at 200lbs. I shrugged it off, since I was retaining quite a bit of fluid and had an enormous bump I figured I would lose at least 15lbs after delivery. I planned to breastfeed, and that was a SURE thing to aid in losing weight.
After having my daughter, and having everything go completely wrong with my labor and delivery I had a longer than expected recovery from a Cesarian section. I was extremely bloated, and had a difficult time getting around for weeks. At my 6 week post-partum appointment, I weighed in at 179lbs. A good start!
Unfortunately, that was about as far as I have made it, and in fact I have gained 8 more pounds since then. I have been struggling for the last year with severe body issues, aches and pains in my joints, and an overall hatred for my post-baby body.
I am finally on the right track now. I am using a combination of portion control, exercise, and eating healthy to get back to a healthy weight and a normal shape. I hope by the time summer rolls around, I will have reached my first weight loss goal of 25 lbs or more. By this time next year, I am hoping to be back down to a healthy weight for my height, which is between 105- and 115 lbs.
Sorry for the novel, but that's everything about me for now!
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