Doctor Follow-Up

So I had my follow-up with my doctor today. She had me keep a food journal, and sent me for blood work.

She tested my cholesterol, my thyroid, my fasting glucose, and a couple of other things.

They all came back pretty much perfect, except my cholesterol, which is slightly elevated for bad, and slightly low for the good.

In the three weeks between visits, I didn't gain or lose any weight. I went back to the gym even harder than before, did as she asked and upped my calories, and tried to eat as healthy as possible.

She says I'm not eating enough fruits and veggies, which I sort of knew. Some days, I just don't get to it.

I also need to cut honey out of my morning tea and replace it with stevia.

But other than that, I'm just...obese.

I also lost my gym partner to grad school, and haven't found a new one, which leaves me less motivated. I hate the judgmental stares (real and imagined) I get from people, and they're certainly easier to ignore when I have someone with me. I'm more self-conscious than I was before.

Most of my workout clothes had to be thrown out because the seams in the thighs burst open from wear. That's definitely an enormous blow to my ego, it's like "Hey fatty fatty, just give up, we can't contain your disgusting cottage cheese thighs with mere cotton thread."

I'm sad, and I want to cry. I still feel like garbage most days, but I push through it and go to the gym even if it's only for half an hour. I ate a klondike bar tonight to make myself feel better.

I am not on the right path.

Memorial Day Weekend

So all of my excitement from my last update was for naught. I was down to 176, and holding when Friday rolled around. I knew that we had several barbeques to attend, so I made sure to mind how much food, and what I took in.
Friday and Saturday we didn't do much. I was ill with stomach issues, so I wound up laying in bed a lot both days. I finally gained my appetite back, and ate a bagel and a plain hamburger on Friday night.
Saturday we ran errands, and while Mike ate at the mall, I ate small meals before and after and sipped iced tea while he had hot dogs.
Sunday was BBQ numero uno, I had a hot dog and hamburger along with some baked beans for lunch. I snacked on Carrots, celery, and cucumber from the crudites plate, but avoided the ranch dressing. I had a couple of peanut butter cookies and an Italian knot over the course of the day as well. That is significantly less than my standard fare at a cookout. I was feeling proud of myself.
Monday was Memorial Day, and I always go to the parade in Trumbull and watch from a family friend's yard. They have a big cookout each year. I had a hamburger, a couple of carrot sticks, and some of the kielbasa I made. I drank water and iced tea. I wasn't hungry, and I felt good about my choices.
Yesterday I took Eisley to the zoo with my mom, we did two laps around the place because Eisley managed to sleep through the first, haha. My mom had a cheeseburger and fries. I shared a popsicle with E, and stole a couple of leftover fries from my mom. I had steak and corn for dinner.

I felt very proud of my choices over the weekend, as they are much improved from how I would normally eat on a holiday weekend.
I stepped on the scale this morning for my weekly weigh-in, and I managed to gain back all 5 pounds I had lost, as well as an additional pound, bringing me back up to 181.

I haven't worked out at all lately, unless you count running around after a toddler for hours on a daily basis, so I know that I haven't been doing myself any favor, but I'm still disappointed.
The only good news is, is that today, for the first time in weeks, I feel normal. I'm not exhausted to the point of being barely able to function. I feel like I could go to the gym, which I may actually do tonight if I still feel up to it.

I really need to call that doctor's office and see if there are any cancellations that have opened spots up so I can get my thyroid checked out sooner.

Well, that's all for the moment.
-Nicole

Weekend Update

So just a quick little blurb since I haven't been posting much lately. I'm finally into the 170s! I've maintained 176 for over a week now, which is pretty freaking awesome! I have not been to the gym though since the end of April. I just seriously have not been feeling well at all. I blame the weather, because it's been mostly cold and rainy for weeks, although the last three days have been wonderful!

I'm going to try and get back into working out again starting on Monday. I hate having to start over, but at least it's not years between visits this time.

Anyway, I'm going to head to the park in a bit and I've said all I need to say!

-Nicole

Down Day

I'm having a down kind of day. I didn't sleep well last night due to being ill, and I didn't feel much better this morning so I skipped the gym. I'm just so terribly frustrated with the effort I'm putting into trying to lose weight only to have the opposite results. It's disheartening to say the least.

At this rate, I know I won't be in a better bathing suit this summer, which really sucks. I wanted to look nice for the first time in two years.

Tonight I'm going for a walk with the family, and then maybe the gym after dinner.


Boo.

-Nicole

Still Ill

I'm still sick. I haven't been able to stomach eating pretty much anything except bananas, sunflower seeds, ginger ale, plain white rice, tea, and oddly enough brownies. I'm going to attempt chicken soup as soon as it's finished cooking, so here's hoping that goes well.

I am a hot, coughing mess. So is my poor munchkin.

Keeping my spirits up and hoping we get better soon so I can get back to my routine. I haven't left the house at all this week :(

-Nicole