Doctor Follow-Up

So I had my follow-up with my doctor today. She had me keep a food journal, and sent me for blood work.

She tested my cholesterol, my thyroid, my fasting glucose, and a couple of other things.

They all came back pretty much perfect, except my cholesterol, which is slightly elevated for bad, and slightly low for the good.

In the three weeks between visits, I didn't gain or lose any weight. I went back to the gym even harder than before, did as she asked and upped my calories, and tried to eat as healthy as possible.

She says I'm not eating enough fruits and veggies, which I sort of knew. Some days, I just don't get to it.

I also need to cut honey out of my morning tea and replace it with stevia.

But other than that, I'm just...obese.

I also lost my gym partner to grad school, and haven't found a new one, which leaves me less motivated. I hate the judgmental stares (real and imagined) I get from people, and they're certainly easier to ignore when I have someone with me. I'm more self-conscious than I was before.

Most of my workout clothes had to be thrown out because the seams in the thighs burst open from wear. That's definitely an enormous blow to my ego, it's like "Hey fatty fatty, just give up, we can't contain your disgusting cottage cheese thighs with mere cotton thread."

I'm sad, and I want to cry. I still feel like garbage most days, but I push through it and go to the gym even if it's only for half an hour. I ate a klondike bar tonight to make myself feel better.

I am not on the right path.

Jeans part II

Sunday was laundry day for me, and I ran out of my cozy and familiar yoga/stretch pants that I live in exclusively. I had a lunch date with my friend Tim, and because it was in the mid-fifties and pouring rain I figured a skirt or dress would be exceptionally inappropriate. I figured that at some point I'm going to have to ACTUALLY wear the jeans Mike bought, so now was as good a time as any. They were surprisingly comfortable, although way too baggy everywhere except my waist (although I suppose that will change if I just keep working at it).  I actually went out of the house wearing them, and didn't feel majorly self-conscious (Then again, I was also wearing two long shirts and a hoodie), so I would call it a win!

I was definitely naughty this weekend. I ate ate restaurants several times, and I made brownies. I ate grilled fish when we went to CB (Cracker Barrel), and some fried okra instead of fries. I actually ate a biscuit for the first time in months too. I went to TGIF on Sunday with Tim, and got a sirloin with broccoli and sweet potato fries. The steak was horrid and I couldn't finish it. I had a tiny burger from Wendy's on Saturday while running errands with Mike, but it made me so sick I won't be returning there any time soon.

This totally extreme changing weather is killing me. The warm sunny weather makes me happy and active, and I'm more apt to work out as well as do activities, but this cold cloudy borderline Winter weather that pops up puts me back into hibernation mode. I'm absolutely a Summer person, sunshine and heat make me happy. I'm like a turtle in that aspect. So because the weather this week went back and forth a whole bunch, I ended up craving chocolate in a majorly awful way, and begged Mike to buy me brownie mix. It was so not worth it, because yesterday I gorged myself on the remainder of the pan (1/3 of a 9x12), and made myself seriously ill, plus I drank more milk than I have in weeks. I probably won't be making brownies again for a long while.

Last night Mike had work, so I cooked him a fresh steak when he came home. He ate one piece, and hated it, so I wound up eating it despite not being hungry, so it wouldn't end up sitting in the fridge until it was fridge clean out day on Sunday. Mike likes salt, so I rubbed salt, pepper, and garlic powder onto the steak before broiling it...I cut down my salt intake a ton because I was constantly feeling awful after eating salty foods. The steak was definitely more salty than I normally eat, but it was tolerable.

I woke up this morning to my kidneys hurting terribly (gee, I wonder why), I'm going to stick to my own marinades from now on, and if Mike doesn't like it he can eat something else (No offense Bub!)

Anyway, I'm going to venture off to the gym in an hour after peak usage has waned so I can find a parking spot that isn't in the overflow lot and hope that I can drink enough water today to clear out all the salt from my system.

-Nicole

Jeans

It's been far longer between posts than I have cared to go! I've been a bit busy though, so I suppose it's expected.

So I the scale hasn't changed any in weeks, beyond the constant up and down of three pounds every few days. I have noticed though, that my stomach is no longer as flabby and droopy as it has been for the last year. It's been shrinking down over the past few weeks, enough so that I went and bought some jeans. They're size 18, but pretty much only fit on the waist, everything else is really baggy. I haven't worn them yet, but they're a goal for me to work towards to. I'm hoping that by June I can wear them, or even perhaps be in a size 16.

I've cut back on my dairy intake a LOT. I have pretty much only been eating greek yogurt in the morning, and a little splash of milk in coffee or tea if I'm so inclined.

My appetite is back to what it was pre-pregnancy, which makes me happy because I hope it will allow me to go back to normal faster.

I'm still struggling with eating as healthy as possible, but I'm doing my best. I'm eating grilled options instead of fried at restaurants if we go out, and trying to stick to steamed vegetables instead of french fries.

I'm going to start measuring and photographing my progress beginning Monday. I hope I continue to see some changes!

-Nicole

Easter Sunday

This weekend was Easter. I made a vow to try and keep away from all of the typical sweet temptations that come along with any holiday. I had to cook for my mom (I make perogies every year), but I managed to resist eating spoonfuls of potato filling like I normally do. I made four dozen perogies, and didn't make any for myself!

Anyway, I digress. I kept myself insanely busy this week. Eisley and I went for walks Monday and Tuesday evening with one of my nearest and dearest friends and her daughter. Wednesday we went to Mommy and Me and the gym. Thursday we went to the gym, the mall to pick up a few things, and to the park for a walk. Friday I took off because I was very tired. Saturday we were back at the gym, and for the first time in months, Eisley didn't shed a tear! We also went shopping and to the park for a while.

SO, back to Sunday. We went to my mom's house for brunch around 10:30. I ate a bit of kielbasa, and a couple of perogies (I had to make sure they were acceptable ;-) ), and then left to go to dinner with Mike's family. We walked to the restaurant because it was so gorgeous outside and it's like half a mile down the road. I thought I could at LEAST find one food to eat at the restaurant, but I was mistaken. I couldn't stomach any of the stuff in the buffet, so I sat and watched everyone else eat. I did eat a couple of cream puffs for dessert, but that was about it. I was STARVING last night, so I ate a banana.

Tomorrow I'll be back at the gym, and weather permitting, taking a walk in the evening. I'm still floating between 180-185 lbs, which is still discouraging. I'm trying to cut down on my milk intake, since I have a serious addiction to it and can never seem to drink enough. I'm hoping maybe since it's my last thing I have yet to remove from my diet that maybe it will help. Also, I am happy to report that Eisley is fully weaned, which is a huge relief and also hopefully helpful in my quest. I really need to call the doctor's office and ask if they have a cancellation list I can get on in hopes of getting a closer appointment.

I think that's it for now!

-Nicole

Keep on Keeping on

I had a lazy weekend. I didn't have a car Thursday or Friday, so on Thursday I did yoga to curb my craving for sweets. I was so sore on Friday I used it as my off day. Saturday brought absolutely gross snow that was so thick it was slushy. I skipped leaving the house, because I hate driving through that stuff and I had orders to complete. Sunday morning Mike had the car, so again no gym. We did go to the mall and do a lap around, so my day wasn't completely without exercise. Saturday I also made brownies, because I had this crazy idea that I should put chili pepper chocolate into dark chocolate brownie mix. Turns out I was correct in thinking that they are DELICIOUS. But they are also super rich, and a small brownie is enough for me to feel almost sick, so I haven't devoured the pan yet (thankfully!).

I digress. Yesterday I got back to the gym, and I think Eisley is having a harder time with it than I am. She is miserable every time I leave her in the daycare. I feel awful, but is it wrong for me to just leave her screaming and crying hysterically so I can run for 20 minutes? Maybe it's the fact that we're weaning and she's teething. I don't know. She was such a rock star until I took her to the other gym in Shelton, and I had a feeling I should check on her and she was hysterical. Ever since then she hates being left at the childcare, even though I haven't brought her back to that one. I hope she gets over it soon.

I have a busy day ahead of me, gym and errands and then going to my mom's for a few hours!

-Nicole

Pinterest is the Devil

It isn't really the devil, but after spending 30 minutes looking at dessert recipes and DYING to make one, I decided to not do that and instead made myself a coffee and did some yoga (Thank you Netflix). Seriously, between mug brownies and home made peanut butter cups I was drooling like a basset hound. Gross!

I used to be halfway capable of doing some moderate difficulty poses. Now the basic ones are killing me! Haha. I know I'll get there, but gosh darnit I never thought I'd have trouble with the chair pose.

Now that my junk food craving is gone, I think I'll nibble on a square of chili chocolate and do some more yoga!

At least I'm doing something since I don't have the car tonight and can't get to the gym.